Happy Birthday


I had a dream about you last night, I had a few actually. I woke up unable to talk to you. I miss you, but I really do hope that you’re happy. I’m sorry that me being in you’re life added to you’re stresses that is why I haven’t messaged you see because I don’t want to be the reason you’re unhappy I’m the reason I’m unhappy and I’d never want to do that to you. I spent 8 years trying to make you happy I clearly failed and I’m sorry. I did wish we could have everything we talked about but I do see now that actually you didn’t treat me very well. You told me I needed surgery and a different personality for you to only want me, You tell me you prefer me when I looked this other way,  you’d only every spend 2 hours with me and not because you didn’t have time but because you just didn’t like that time. Once you don’t want me anymore you stopped pretending you where my friend and made excuses to have me out you’re life. There’s lots more I could say. I’m scared you’ll end up with no one as well as feeling as lonely as I am but I guess these feelings are because you’re very emotionally abusive. I can’t hold onto pain and anger it’ll rip me up even more. I forgive you, but I don’t think I’ll ever speak to u again. I have to be strong and realise that when you decide I’m worthy of speaking to, you can’t come and go as you please. This I guess is closure. Have the best birthday, be happy, I love you 😘 

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