I’m always the bad one

Just got a message off my brother being all dads in hospital he’s having an operation and also hasn’t been taking his insulin for past 3 weeks. Oh and the house is such a mess my brothers finding him somewhere else to stay until him and his wife can clean it. My brother trying to act like the hero n like he’s doing something even though he hasn’t bothered in a very long time and I’m the ONLY one that ever helps or sees my dad no wonder he’s in such a bad way when I haven’t been there in few weeks but that won’t stop my brother implying it’s my fault. Im trying to get a job away but now I feel like I have to go back and just stay there and just be there forever miserable.  He’s allowed a life, a family, everything but me nope. I’m pretty sure my dad doesn’t look after himself coz he just doesn’t care anymore it’s worrying but my brother it’s like maybe take him to see his grandkids once a week n give him something instead of swanning in every few months n then acting the hero. I’m so sick of always being blamed always being the bad one. I’ve got so much of my own stuff I’ve got all this stuff in my head I’m so fucked up and I’m bulimic not that anyone knows but now it looks like I have to give up an attempt at happiness to go be my dads babysitter. 

Might just take all my sleeping pills and go to sleep forever coz I really want to…apparently it’s international day of happiness… what a joke!

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