When people think of bulimia they just think ‘binges, makes them self throw up’ I mean that’s the way I always thought of it I knew it could eventually result in death but it’s so much more than that. So much goes on to other your body from a very early period well that’s the case for me but I suppose everyone reacts differently. I have had these issues for almost 9 months and this is how bad my body has already reacted.
Worsening Psychological effects
Obviously when I started I already had these body issues but it has gotten so much worse. After a meal or a binge if I look in the mirror I look 3 sizes bigger, if I take selfies my eyes are immediately drawn to the bits I don’t like. In fact I never like any picture taken for a long time. I tried to meet some new people through this app called Meetup but each time I was due to go got ready spent ages then hated the way everything looked on me so climbed back into my pjs like nobody will like me for being fat or something. You just end up feeling very alone, probably the loneliest I’ve ever felt going through this. I don’t even binge coz I’m hungry it’s almost always because I’m sad.
I’d gained a stone and that’s why I suddenly got a problem however since I’ve gained an extra 1.5 stone which doesn’t help because you feel more disgusting but you can’t stop eating and it’s a vicious cycle.
I feel cold most of the time. When I’m out someone maybe in a t-shirt or a jumper and I’ll be in a coat and a hat because I feel the cold to much.
As a result of feeling cold my joints hurt. I get pains in my knees, ankles, elbows, hands etc that’s sharp and makes me not want to go anywhere the winter months especially where excruciating. I had to have gloves anywhere I went.
Blood in vomit
Occasionally there will be blood in your vomit which can be very worrying to see.
At the minute it’s been very bad like perminant acid coming up into my mouth, making me feel sick and my chest burn. I wa put on pills to stop the production of acid in my stomach which may not be working to well.
This is a given u get a lot of sore throats either from the fingers or from the acid.
Week immune system
It feels like I can’t go anywhere without picking something up easily from vomiting bugs to the flue I seem to get it in fact I still have a bad chest from the last flue like 5 weeks ago.
Due to purging so much a few months back my rib slipped out of place. My chiropractor pushed it back in. Since then I’ve had a pain there coming and going but apparently it’s the muscle around it that I’ve clearly damaged.
Breathing Difficulties at night
Currently the biggest thing going on is at bed time I seem to have major breathing difficulties especially when lying down I’m trying to prop myself up but still my chest is tight and I can’t breath properly one night I breathed in and started choking. I have a coughing fit when I take a deep breath. My pulse is normally late 70/80 bpm but last night was 56 which is considered a low pulse for an adult, I get very light headed sometimes. Starting to wonder if it’s heart related problem. I tried to make a doctor appointment but they can’t see me for 3 weeks. Every night I go to sleep thinking I could possibly stop breathing in my sleep and may not wake up again but shit happens right.
If you’re thinking of starting this terrible illness then please don’t. Once it’s got you and you may not realise how quick it will it’s incredibly hard to stop and really mucks you up in so many ways and it’s not living. I’ve been waiting to see a councillor since January. The longer it goes on the harder it gets and I just wish I’d never started.