I need to run away

I’m 29 so it’s not really running away but due to not working I have to live at my mums house. 

My brother who is 4 years younger hasn’t been eating properly for the space of 2 weeks (he’s had pizza n everything tho so it’s all crap) he said to my mum he wants to die all coz he enjoys upsetting people. The doctors got him in for an assessment today and he comes back all like he won’t see his doctor for 2 weeks now and he’s all laughing with my mum downstairs n I’m up here alone crying because I’ve been bulimic for almost 10 months and he’s just made it impossible to ever admit that to my mum as it’ll seem like oh so now she’s got an eating disorder n it makes it seem less serious because of the way he’s made it. 

I’ve been waiting since January to just see the surgery councillor, where’s my help? Why does not one person care?

I told a friend thinking get yourself some support n be brave she said I was welcome at hers any time she was a bit in contact we arranged a night she cancelled and I’ve not heard from her since. 

I just wanna pack my bags and go somewhere just run away I can’t sit around and listen to them go on about my brother constantly who by sound of things is eating now they’ve seen him the attention seeking little shit. I have breathing problems at night I go to bed every night not knowing if I’ll wake up in the morning. I’m sad when I do but I’m scared. I can’t get control of this but I have no one. Even beat the eating disorder charity ignored me when I asked for help. Where do I go? What do I do?

My mum goes went to the meeting it’s alright now like it’s so insulting Now he’s going to gym omg I am so angry seriously. 

I wanna run! I wanna get out!

I need someone rich and I need £8000 to go to a bulimia treatment centre in South Africa for a month it’s the cheapest but I don’t have it n I’m scared n no one helps n no one cares I just need to run!

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